Five Things That Tick Me Off

I love that everyone loves Italian food, by all means embrace the delicious form of tomatoes we like to call sauce, engorge on my Nonni’s lemon cookies, and mom’s chicken parm all you want. Eat as much of it as you can when you’re out to dinner or come to my house. However, there are a few things people need to hear if they are going to consider themselves an Italian food connoisseur. 

1. Ragu

Please, I’m begging you not to fall victim to this red paste some people have the audacity to throw on pasta. 

Ragu is a sorry excuse for a sauce and if you’re asking me, it shouldn’t be in the same category as the delicious red stuff that comes off my Nonni’s stove. If you’e going to make Italian food do it right, you don’t see me using SPAM to make corn beef and hash.

2. Pronounce gnocchi correctly

For the love of god people it’s not pronounced ga-na-ch-ee. 

The ‘g’ is silent. Nothing makes me cringe more than when I’m out to dinner and I hear someone ask the waiter for an order of the ga-na-ch-ee’s. It takes everything in me not to give them a lesson on the Italian language.

By the way it’s pronounced knee-own-key.

3. Panetone Bread

If I have to demo this at work one more time and listen to people call it pan-a-tone bread I think my brain is going to implode. 

P-on-e-tone. It’s probably the easiest Italian food to pronounce and people still mess it up. I mean do you go to a Mexican restaurant and say “That tack-o was so good?”

4. Olive Garden Is Not Real Italian

Anyone who watches that commercial and actually thinks they’re getting a “tour of Italy” needs to revaluate their life. It’s literally frozen food they warm up and take out of bag. The only good thing going for them is the bread sticks, and those aren’t even made from scratch. 

You want real Italian, go to Grandpa Sam’s, Pasta Villa, Pane Vino, but please spare me with the whole Olive Garden has great Italian food thing because I may slap you. 

5. Espresso…

Last, but certainly the thing that pisses me off the most.

Can someone explain to me when the letter ’s’ took on the sound of an ‘x’ because I would really like to know. Apparently ex-presso is the new form of Italian coffee and every Italian on earth missed the memo. 

Read the freaking word people: ESPRESSO. There’s no ‘x’ in there.